He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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