so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
