my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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