he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
