My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
