but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
