Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
