it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize