Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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