dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
