The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
