I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
