My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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