he puts the penis in happiness.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize