WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
