My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize