Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
