I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
