She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
