Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drunk is not a location!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize