You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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