im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
