that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
