i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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