Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
