I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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