Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Your dad touched me again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
