Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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