my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
