just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
