we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
