I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
