Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
