It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
