My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
