dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Pants are for mortals
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
