he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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