dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
