Welp...herpes.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
