Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
