If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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