Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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