Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
