He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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