it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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