i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
