Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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