He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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