If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
