Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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