Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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