Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
