That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
