Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
