we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
