I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I deserve this hangover.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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