I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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