At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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