I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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