I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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