angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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