you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Congratulations! We have a period
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
