i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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