areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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