Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
