Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
