its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
