Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
