i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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