Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize