a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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