i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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