Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
