I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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