I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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