the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
