This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize