There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
