During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
