last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
