i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
