the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
did i just pee glitter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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