I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
