It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
