fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
