I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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