well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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