The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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