ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
