He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
